Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

6 Aug

Sanctification is a slow process, if it were easy it wouldn’t be worth it. A wise Aggie, currently abroad, skyped me that little nugget of advice this evening. That little Aggie is extremely nail-on-the-head correct.

At this point in my life, a 21-year-old college senior, my relationship with God shouldn’t be at its peak. I’m still beginning in this world and my relationship with God is too. It’s easier to preach this than to actually cement it in my brain. At this point in my life I feel like my relationship with God should look and feel like the 3:20 mark of this video.

Yeah, there’s no sparks shooting out of my chest right now. Yet, I feel like there should be!

My entire life I have played the game of comparison. I have always compared myself to other people: physically, emotionally, logically. When I hear about people who travel to Africa, or Guatemala, or, well, Christians really like Africa and shake with emotion at the mere mention of it – Africa, I get really paranoid. Why isn’t God calling me to go abroad? Why aren’t I running around the streets of Budapest spewing fireworks out of my chest while singing out the gospel to others? Why aren’t I making a difference? WHY AREN’T YOU USING ME GOD?!

In the farthest reaches of my mind I know that God has something planned for me. I know that God wants me to be happy and that He knows I want Him to use me for all His glory, no matter what that is. THAT is why this summer the game of comparison has suddenly ceased and desisted out of my mind. I wouldn’t say my current state of emotion is happy or sad, but rather it is that of content. It’s a great feeling to have actually, almost like tiny sparks are weakly igniting inside waiting to go boom, boom, boom.

So while I am not in Africa or making some grand gesture to physically show the strength of my relationship with God, I know that all is well in my relationship with Him.

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2 Responses to “Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon”

  1. Harriet October 8, 2011 at 4:04 AM #

    ‘Tis funny how one can stumble across a blog and have their eyes fall on a particular post and feel as if they themselves wrote it.
    I hear you bro *mad gangsta hand signals*. I want so badly to be passionate, to have fireworks spewing out of my chest or my mouth or my toenails – frankly I’m not fussy.
    I’m not sure how to end this now… I just felt the need to express some sort of we-are-in-the-same-boat-ship-thing.
    …It is the end.

    • zackarywilburn October 8, 2011 at 10:10 PM #

      Thanks so much, Harriet! It’s reassuring to know that I’m not the only one who has doubts when it comes to their place in the world and their place with God.

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