The Perfection of Trying

6 Jun

If you’ve noticed at all, the last post I wrote was dated as March 5th. There are many things that I could blame for the lack of writings: I’ve been working at internships! I’ve been volunteering at festivals! I’ve been having a social life! I’ve been watching Dance Moms on a constant loop! But I know what the true reason is: the first sentence.

I’m the type of person where I want everything to be perfect the first time around. I don’t care if it’s giving a speech in class, creating documents at work, changing a tire – please, when have I ever changed a tire? – or writing a meaningless blog post that fewer people will read than watch Hart of Dixie on CW. I need to feel that the product I put out was as mint conditionally perfect as all hell.

I crave perfection in my own life because I view others as being perfect. I’m a product of raising myself on the ridiculous nighttime soaps of The OC, Degrassi, and Desperate Housewives where, even though there were problems, everyone seemed perfect. I always thought I had a critical eye for television and could distinguish between fantasy and reality, but when the reality of my life is friends getting married at 21 and fellow post grads signing high five-figure deals at big shot companies, when does the finite line of my reality get snatched in the night and exchanged with a changeling of fantasy? For me, the reality is that I am currently 22-years-old, single, broke, and still interning. The bulk of my days I am grateful that this is my life, but there are the slim hours where I feel like everyone else has it together and maybe I should stop striving for the perfection I want and settle for the perfection that seems obtainable e.g. trophy wife and beef jerky outlet owner.

What I’m trying to get at is that the first sentence of each of these posts is a metaphor for the perfection I want to obtain. If I can lure these suckers in with a great blog post, I can trick them into thinking I have it together! I can fool them into believing my life is perfect; that I’m perfect! And maybe, just maybe, I can feel like I have some sense of perfection to latch onto.

While I realize the perfection I want to obtain may happen later in life or maybe never at all, I need to still try. I need to type out that first sentence, flaws and all, to know that I have mastered the perfection of trying.

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One Response to “The Perfection of Trying”

  1. Christie June 6, 2012 at 5:34 PM #

    I feel like that Hart of Dixie comment was personally directed at me. Low blow! At least it got picked up for another season!

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