Tag Archives: Jesus

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

6 Aug

Sanctification is a slow process, if it were easy it wouldn’t be worth it. A wise Aggie, currently abroad, skyped me that little nugget of advice this evening. That little Aggie is extremely nail-on-the-head correct.

At this point in my life, a 21-year-old college senior, my relationship with God shouldn’t be at its peak. I’m still beginning in this world and my relationship with God is too. It’s easier to preach this than to actually cement it in my brain. At this point in my life I feel like my relationship with God should look and feel like the 3:20 mark of this video.

Yeah, there’s no sparks shooting out of my chest right now. Yet, I feel like there should be!

My entire life I have played the game of comparison. I have always compared myself to other people: physically, emotionally, logically. When I hear about people who travel to Africa, or Guatemala, or, well, Christians really like Africa and shake with emotion at the mere mention of it – Africa, I get really paranoid. Why isn’t God calling me to go abroad? Why aren’t I running around the streets of Budapest spewing fireworks out of my chest while singing out the gospel to others? Why aren’t I making a difference? WHY AREN’T YOU USING ME GOD?!

In the farthest reaches of my mind I know that God has something planned for me. I know that God wants me to be happy and that He knows I want Him to use me for all His glory, no matter what that is. THAT is why this summer the game of comparison has suddenly ceased and desisted out of my mind. I wouldn’t say my current state of emotion is happy or sad, but rather it is that of content. It’s a great feeling to have actually, almost like tiny sparks are weakly igniting inside waiting to go boom, boom, boom.

So while I am not in Africa or making some grand gesture to physically show the strength of my relationship with God, I know that all is well in my relationship with Him.

Prayer for the future

13 Jun

First, Lord: Give me laughter. May the nasally-Jokeresque-cackle constantly be produced by my svelte throat.

Let the sound only be magnified by the amount of people that help to spread it. Have this booming uproar wear itself thin because of the never-ceasing echo it stirs.

Protect me, Lord, and guide me in the decisions I make after college. If my wish for one Skins night is granted, make sure I know my limits in alcohol guzzling, white boy dancing, lip locking, cocaine snorting, tricycle riding, bed jumping, glow stick shaking, sexy time making, mosh pit thrashing adolescence.

Lead me away from sin, Keystone beer, urban ghettos, Aéropostale tees, and Minnesota.

Keep my eyes ever on you. Let me not only see the beauty of this earth, but also the beauty of black women.

Let me count my blessings along with my calories every day. Give me the strength to resist the temptation of fast food, specifically McDonalds. The reminder that their chicken nuggets are made of crushed up bones, gizzards, and boullion cubes always in the forefront of my mind.

Lord, I ask that I read my Bible every evening. Not skimping on my time with you to watch the 16th re-run of The Real Housewives of Cornwall, Missouri or Top Chef: Infants.

Have me never hurt the ones I love most. Let them understand that whether it be a remark about their ever expanding waist size, or their ever retreating hair line or my running them over with my Chrysler PT Cruiser, it’s only because I truly care.

Give me a career that I want, Lord. A career I can be proud of. Allow me to strut into my high school reunion with the knowledge that the 2008 graduating class all know that I have buckets of money awaiting me in my Boeing 747, just waiting to be spent purchasing the entire cast of Entourage or the Eiffel Tower.

Finally, dear God, bring me love. The type of love that makes me want to jump out of a plane with no parachute. The type of love that I would endure a dual Fall Out Boy-Panic! At The Disco junior high cover band concert for. The type of love that brings me closer to You.

Oh, and the good knowledge to delete my Facebook once statuses like, “2nd colonoscopy this year, whudup!” begin to dominate.

Amen

Sprinting Towards The Savior

11 May

There are certain days, like today, where I am stuck at work while all of my friends are enjoying life outside of the compound that is the 3:45-6:00pm shift at Derrick Hall. I know, I know, who wants to read about a white boy complaining about how hard working a 2 hour shift is?

No one.

So I’m going to talk about something else instead.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a disconnection with God.

EEERRKK!!!

Yes, that loud screech you heard is the sound of my Saturn Vue smashing to a halt and swiftly turning about 180 in conversation. At the beginning of this semester my relationship with God was on the Hogwarts Express bound towards awesomeness. I had never felt so alive, so loved, and so happy in my life. The company I was keeping was only helping water and grow this watermelon sized lump of a feeling. However, in the last few days I’ve felt that the watermelon season is over, the train has screetched to a halt, the whick that held the fire in me has been extinguished between two fingers.

I hate to admit it, but I feel like God has left the building.

I know in my heart of hearts that this is not true. That this is one of those weeks that all Christians go through time and again. It sucks though. It truly, truly sucks. The thing I love about being a Christian and about being a part of God’s kingdom is that I always have someone with me. I am never alone. This week though, I have felt alone. I have been stuck in my head with only my negative thoughts. Again, it sucks. Today though, I decided to make a change. Right when I got off from my work shift I went for a jog. If you know me, you know I don’t jog. I can probably count on my right hand the number of times I have jogged this semester. Today though, I went jogging.

I needed to try and see if somewhere along that stretch of Post Road I could find God.

I did.

A little more than 5 paces into my run, I began to pray. The hardest prayer I’ve prayed in a long time. I asked God to give me the strength to help myself, to help others, to make this sinking feeling of loneliness go away. After that prayer (and chasing a chihauaua through a trailer park), it hit me. If God needs me to be in this depressive state to further his spirit in me, let me be in this depressive state.

With this realization, I sweatily went into this rundown graveyard that is near my apartment complex. I walked through the headstones and found a bench next to the Garcia’s plot. I sat down and began to thank God for letting me be able to feel the way I feel. I thanked him for letting me be sad, for letting me worry about others, for letting me be able to feel at all. If it weren’t for Him in my life, there would be no point in wanting to feel again.

This seems like an awkward place to leave things, but I don’t really know what else to say past all that.

A verse that has helped me some this week has been Psalm 37: 23-24

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand”